is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
