I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I still have a little drunk in my system
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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