I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
