Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
