morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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