addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
