Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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