I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
