Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
