Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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