eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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