Im at strip club and am horny
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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