I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
