I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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