So drunk its hurt
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
