you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
