Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Everything about him screamed your future.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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