I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
