I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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