she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
