I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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