The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
