I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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