why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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