On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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