Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
