Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
