i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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