I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
