if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
