I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
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Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
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Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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