omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Randomize
