all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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