Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Tornado booty call.. dedication
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
