sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Are my feet made of real feet?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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