she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
