Sober January is a disaster.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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