And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
