Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
