her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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