JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
