I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
