dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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