I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
