I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
