PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I want a musical about memes.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
