if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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