Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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