Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Drake has all the answers
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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