They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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