I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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