just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
