mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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