Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
