i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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