You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
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The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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