Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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