You just made me feel so damn special
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
her facebook's as public as her vagina
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm just crazy horny about you
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
not ubering you a puppy
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
