You're my little dorito
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
