so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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