Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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