we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
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