Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
