Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
