I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
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So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
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My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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