You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
