Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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