OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
