I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
