if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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