i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
