I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
