it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Fuck appropriateness.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
