whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Damn victory sex feels great
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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