just tell him i said nine months
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
