I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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