I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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