A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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