2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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