woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
