I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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